"Buckets of Grace"

What a blessing. It's the little things that really do it for me, that mean the most. I've been more or less on the verge of tears for a week and a half. My Aunt Leisa, the woman who basically raised me, taught me morals, respect, and just loved me through my diaper days until her last days, passed away Wednesday before last. It has been the most heartbreaking thing I've ever endured to date (and I think I've gone through a good bit in only 23 years so far). There's a whole story there, but frankly, it's still too fresh for me to write about yet, so maybe a little down the road. What I'm getting at is significantly off topic from this, but that little bit of backstory makes the story I'm about to tell make a little more sense.

When I came home this weekend I had a card from the church that several people had signed with their love and prayers. It meant a lot to me and (go figure) made me cry. I went into church this morning a little shakily, just afraid people might ask about it because I knew I wouldn't be able to respond without tears. Fortunately, only one person mentioned it and briefly enough to give me a hug and say a few words without reducing me to a sobbing mess. That was to come later. Worship was nice and I survived prayer with minimal welling up. For those of you unfamiliar with the church I attend, we sing a few songs, then pray, we give tithes and offerings, then there is one more song before the pastor comes up to talk. It was this last song that broke me. The worship leader, Mark, his son is apparently on his way to boot camp, today. He wrote a song for his son and sang it solo on stage. Even if he hadn't explained the situation to us beforehand, it would have been a beautiful song. Knowing the scoop however, plus the way his voice cracked at select moments, was enough to break everyone in the room--no dry eyes to be seen. It was an amazingly special moment. We prayed over their family and they literally walked off stage and out the door--that was their last moment before they had to drive their son to the army. Obviously, I know the feeling of seeing a loved one head off to boot camp, so I can relate, but the entire moment was so wonderful and special. It was truly a blessing to be able to witness it.

Service was good but like I said, it's the little things. While Pastor was closing up, he was describing this scene to us and I think it will stick with me for a long time. The gist was that you're thoroughly outnumbered and undersized but heading into battle anyway. You've resigned to take out as many of the enemy as possible before you are inevitably wiped out--because there is no way you're coming out of this alive. You pick the biggest one on the other side you can find and set your sights there. Then, a little above that person you see Jesus. He smiles at you and winks; a private little joke passes between you. Death is no longer on the table; you just found the one thing that can turn the battle on its head. The imagery continued a bit and this may sound like a simple little story, but like I said: simple things. I think this may have been one of the things that you needed to be there for it to affect you but it certainly affected me, I'm not even sure I can explain how, but it certainly inspires confidence. Any time you're facing down something you're terrified of, or someone insulting you, or are afraid to stand up for your convictions, you can keep this image of Jesus right over that person's shoulder, sharing this private joke with you, letting you know that He's there and not any other thing even matters. What an amazing feeling; and a great way to keep you encouraged and pushing forward!

The funny thing too, was that Pastor called us all up to the front to explain this story to us and just as he was finishing up a lady next to me started shouting (again if you know anything about my church this isn't unheard of). She was saying all of these powerful things and giving thanks and encouragement...and right in the midst of it, all the power in the church went off. Now, those who are not into church or religion or whatever, are probably saying this is all just part of the "scam" trying to either encourage or frighten people into obeying. Take my word on this one, it wasn't (I know it's easier to take my word for it if you actually know me in person rather than if you've stumbled upon this, but there's not much I can do about that for now). So like I was saying, it's the simple things that really make an impact. Small little things that kept happening all morning, but when I walked back out those doors this morning, I felt a lot better in my soul than I have in a while. This was definitely something that I needed. I don't have much else to say for now; this morning was just a wonderful blessing to me and I wanted to pass it along to anyone who comes across this. Like I said, I think you had to be there for it to impact you as it did me, but maybe this will mean something to someone. Until next time!