Ok, so I know it has been...five months? Since I've posted here. The main reason for that is because this has been the busiest semester of my life to date and hopefully, the last. While I should spend much more than a few sentences catching you all up on my life since July, that's all you're going to get because I have something far more important to me that I want to say here now while it's fresh rather than going into full details of the last few months. I might get around to giving more details on these past months in a later post after my stress level has dropped significantly.
So here's the last five months in as much of a nutshell as I'm capable: if you've been reading this blog at all you know the summer was my soul-searching identity crisis. Well, to ruin the ending, I found myself. I'm in a new (well, new four and a half months ago now) relationship and it is the healthiest, most true and loving relationship I've ever been in in my life and I'm more than blessed to have had this fall into my lap like it did. I fought myself hard about even starting the relationship because I was truly committed to being single and moving a lot and doing a lot of solo things for the next few years, but sometimes you just can't fight God's plans; and I'm thankful I didn't. I couldn't have asked to be in a better place or to be treated any better. I've had some relationship issues with friends, and I'm not sure where things really stand even at this point, but I've given the entire thing to God and trust in His timing and judgement. And, like I mentioned before, I've been living the busiest, most stressful semester of my life. This is my last semester of coursework. So, I'm taking three graduate courses, writing my prospectus, writing proposals, essays, budgets, and more for fellowships (I'll talk more about that in a later post), taking an undergraduate Arabic course because it's important for my future/dissertation, and teaching two writing courses. Add to all of that stress and sheer volume of work, the fact that I have my comprehensive exams the week of January 16th (happy birthday to me...). This is writing two essays a day, about 15 pages each essay, for three days. These essays require arguments and a lot of outside sources to be cited. Oh, and I have to know all of those sources, their arguments, and the criticisms to those arguments, from memory, no open books whatsoever. Needless to say, my stress level has been sky high and beyond having an insane amount of work all semester, I've had comps and studying for them looming and taking up more of the little time I have. So this week ahead is my finals week; meaning that I have no time to do anything whatsoever beyond school stuff until Friday. And instead of Friday being this wonderful end to the stress (and the start of the wonderful week long post-finals coma) it just means I now have the time to truly dedicate to studying for comps. I've already warned my family I will be reading note cards all through Christmas dinner, and I will be returning to Binghamton as soon as the holiday week is over, so I can move into the library.
So, with that brief life-update in mind, I clearly should not be distracting myself by writing this post; and certainly not now of all possible times. But like I mentioned before, I feel really convicted right now, and sometimes, I really have to disregard my responsibilities and just share the blessings and teachings God puts on my heart. I just wont be sleeping tonight to make up the work time. Anyway, God has been doing crazy things in me recently. It vaguely started a few months ago for reasons I'll get to in a minute, but it really started to take shape when we begin the series "Bold" at church. I won't go into the details here, I actually have a complete post I'd like to dedicate to that, but the gist is we need to be bold. Simple right? But it's pretty intense when you think about it. We care so much about our reputations and how we are perceived in this life. It actually makes me sick to think about because (while things aren't so great in our country these days) in the U.S. we have the freedom to go to church and have faith in whatever we choose. Realistically, the consequences we get by being openly bold with are faith is that people will mock us. Yes, I realize there are sometimes more legitimate consequences, but for the most part, we just hate being picked on. So while we hide in the shadows, there are people all of the world who are literally being tortured and killed for even showing a hint of a Christian faith. It's maddening that we're so selfish; and frankly, it pisses me off because I know I'm just as guilty of this. But I'm digressing (be prepared for a lot of this); the series was about boldness in life, in prayers, in obedience, and so on. It really struck something in me; I'm not sure I can even pinpoint it, but something started in me with this series.
Then, I start receiving all of these blessings at the most random times and from the most random places. I was talking to Jeremiah's youngest brother Jack a week ago. Jack is 12, loves to shoot people up in video games, and while I have no doubt he has a solid faith in God, is your average 12 year old boy just dealing with life as the youngest brother and is generally underestimated. Well, he showed me a drawing he was working on last week. It was a rose, with roots, and this bursting color coming out of the petals. He told me he wanted to write "faith" and Jesus" in the roots; he then proceeded to tell me that when we have a solid faith in Jesus (he indicated to the roots), the thorns of life (he indicated the thorns on the rose) can't touch us and we will blossom (he indicated to the busting colors). Whoa. Who saw that coming? I didn't, certainly not at midnight from Jack who is generally running around doing 12 year old boy things. I was blown away and put into a spiritual high because he just touched my heart and I just saw so much potential in him and his future at that moment. It was truly inspiring.
The other blessings I've been having, started before the bold series started, but has been a weekly blessing, including today, and I truly believe will continue to be a blessing in many future weeks. Now, bear with me because I know this is going to start out sounding really silly. Tim Tebow. There's been a lot about him in the media lately and I see so much coming from this. For those of you who are still lost; Tim Tebow is the current quarterback of the Denver Broncos. I've been a Broncos fan most of my life, so obviously, I love that he's winning games for us (again, for those unaware-we started the season with a different QB, we only won one game and had lost four; including today, for every game Tebow has played since those first five, he has only lost one and has won seven). But this has become so much more than football to me. I love the sport, I love winning; but this guy has truly captured my heart. But the point of this isn't just to praise Tebow; I've got bigger plans than that.
I keep joking that Tebow is taking years off of my life; each game we win comes down to the last seconds, and quite often overtime, before I can breathe again and sit back off the edge of my seat. Tebow isn't perfect; he's got a lot to work on; but as far as any professional athlete can be, he's real. Tebow has been persecuted a lot because anytime his team scores or wins a game, he points to the sky thanking God. His "touch down dance" is getting on a knee in prayer. Obviously, mainstream media and commentators have been having a field day with this. Yet, the "Tebow magic" has led to seven incredible victories. Jeremiah commented a few weeks ago that the Broncos keep winning because they have God's favor. This may sound silly, but Jeremiah elaborated on this better today (not that I didn't agree the first time). He said that this is exactly how God operates. He uses an imperfect vessel to accomplish great things. He used Moses, a guy who could barely speak, to lead an entire people out of slavery. Now, I realize football and saving a nation are vastly different, but like I already said, Tebow isn't necessarily a great QB. Obviously he plays pro football and won the Heisman trophy in college, so he has skills, but he has shown many areas where he is lacking. It's one of those times where God uses the weak to lead the strong. And I agree, I think God is showing the Broncos favor. Even with all of the persecution, Tebow has never wavered in declaring his faith and thanking God through the games and victories. When they interview him after games the first thing he says is that he has to thank his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because that's how they got where they did.
Something big is coming. I feel it deep in my soul. God is preparing to turn our nation on its head; I have no doubts. I was on another high (not only from the nail-biting victory of tonight's game, but like I said, this is so much more than football now) after the game and had a two hour car ride to really think. I make this drive often, and find it a great place to pray and convene with God. I can pray out loud which helps my A.D.D.-self stay focused, and I blast worship music and feel like I'm using this time much more productively. So tonight, I fell into an intense state of worship; I was praying so rapidly and deep and was saying things before I had a chance to process what I was thinking. I literally prayed the entire two hour ride and basically had to tell myself to shut up because I was walking through my front door and didn't need to freak out my roommate for "talking to myself". I had a lot of revelations and a lot of convictions during these two hours and that's really why I'm writing this post at all.
So, I was on this high from Tebow, and as I prayed I felt like God was agreeing that He was showing favor. Obviously, I don't know that this will happen, this is really just how I envision God making His point, but I could honestly see the Broncos beating the Packers in the Super Bowl. The Packers are currently undefeated; they beat the Broncos earlier this season with our first QB. And like I said, I have no reason to believe this will happen, for all I know the Broncos could lose every game for the rest of the season, I just think it would be the ultimate way for God to show what He's doing. An upset team beating an undefeated team for the title. I'm not saying that what God is doing is picking a favorite team, or showing the importance of football. I am saying that God has big things in store. Huge. Change is coming. I truly believe that this is one step He is making to shift the entire culture of our nation. Football, in reality, is silly and pointless. But, the Superbowl has the biggest viewing audience than any other program on television. To me, it makes sense to put an athlete (an occupation we tend to covet in this country) in a position to glorify God with millions of witnesses. There have already been so many people who criticize Tebow, and I know this will never stop; realistically it'll only get worse. But the potential for thousands of people to see what God can do, and for any of that audience to feel an inkling of curiosity about Jesus is truly incredible. God has placed this man into one of these highly coveted roles of a professional athlete. While most of them act in a certain manner we've come to expect in sports, we're seeing something different with Tebow. A lot of people hate it, most can't explain it, but God's glory is shining through Tebow's position and success. The potential for a cultural upset here is huge. I truly believe this cultural upset is coming. Maybe not through a Broncos Superbowl; but it's coming.
I feel like I had several pieces of the puzzle shown to me during my drive tonight. I don't see the whole picture, I may never, and the pieces I see now aren't even fully connected; but there are little snippets all over the place. My vision is of only one tiny particle of the big picture and I can boldly tell you a cultural revolution is coming. The fact that I can say that, and I know sheerly how much of the picture I can't see, overwhelms me to no end. I can feel this change on our heels and realistically, I have no idea about what's coming in the slightest. Whoa.
I'm inarticulate in my head about just how much this means to this world, let alone to explain it here. Here's the gist: we're talking about the different Innovation campuses on the East Coast, Clarity is out on the West Coast (I've heard Nathan talk about how he believes God has them on either side of the country for a reason, and I believed him; but I've had my own glimpse into the truth of that tonight. Wow.), there are famous people like Tebow upsetting the sports enthusiasts across the country, there are little people across the nation (like myself with this blog--part of the reason why I was so convicted to write this now instead of grading papers) expressing their faith in various ways. All of these snippets and more are in my sight and I feel this revolution coming. And yes, I use the word revolution because there will be a dividing line. Critics will become more cynical; many people will harden their hearts to "those damn Christians trying to impose their views on everyone else"; but so many people will be exposed to God. People will just know there is something special and different about any one of these people they encounter and their lives will be changed forever as the Holy Spirit touches them.
We're in the end times. I don't understand God's time, and honestly, I've never spent much time studying the book of Revelation, but I know we're in the end times. Whether the end times encompasses ten minutes, a decade, or a century I have no clue; so I can't say any of this in relation to anything even remotely on a time frame. But tonight I just felt like I was looking at the country, like a map of it or something, and it was completely enshrouded in darkness. But we can't be "a light in the darkness" if all we have are puny one-double-A-battery-sized flashlights. I saw fire. Blazing, hot, balls of fire. There was a big one on the West Coast, a Big one on the East Coast, and a bunch of small ones scattered all over the nation. This is what we're called to be. God took the passion already burning in my heart and turned the gas on high tonight. That's what we all need to do. If we're not blazing with a fire so out of control, how can we expect the flames in our hearts to spread like wild fire across the nation? This is what's coming. I think Tebow is triggering little sparks nationwide. Sure, at the same time the darkness is growing ever-thicker; but new flames emerge every day.
Tebow's not the only one sparking flames, we all have the capability, he's just in a position to reach a national audience. But that's his calling. Not mine. Not yours. We were all made to do a specific job for God. We all went through our pasts to help condition and hone ourselves to be a better tool for that job. It takes time and dedication to God to even get a glimpse of what that job may be. I've written before about some of the things that I know God has put into me and I had confirmation with those tonight, as well as a half-step more of insight into my future. I'll never see the whole picture, and I never have to, all I have to do is trust and listen. But most importantly, I have to do everything in my power to keep the gas to my flame turned on high. That is the only way I can have the strength and courage to stand up about my faith regardless of persecution as Tebow does. That's the only way I can boldly live for Jesus, boldly pray for direction, and boldly follow His commands for my life. Tonight has truly been the most spiritual encounter I've ever had and I have no doubts things will only get deeper from here. But I just feel convicted. Convicted to share my observations. Convicted to share the insights God gave me. And convicted to make you more convicted. Change is coming. The revolution is upon us. Is your gas on high or is your flame going to be stamped out at the first hint of darkness? God's a gentleman, it's your choice to decide. All I can say is I'd rather be swept up in the flame than drown in the darkness. I can't wait to see how the fire erupts from famous people, "little" people, and church congregations world wide. God's glory is amazing; watching His plans unfold is awe-inspiring. I've certainly been inspired; and all I can do is hope that you've been impacted in some way too.
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