This past week Outbreak was blessed to be able to take over regular Sunday church. To sum it up: we were a hit. Everything went over so well, John's message was great, and as far as I can tell, everything went flawlessly. I know everyone attending was blessed by the word John preached. I know those of us helping run the show that day left on such a Jesus high because we were just so blown away by everything. But no one will every fully know what this day meant to me and how immensely my spiritual walk was affected.
The funny thing is, I went into this being terrified of having to pray on stage, thinking this would be a huge step forward for me in that aspect of my faith; I left that day with praying in public not even being on my radar. As you may or may not have read in my last post, I was asked to speak about tithing in front of the congregation for both services and then pray over the offering. I was very nervous about this all morning, but it went very well actually. The second service went much better than the first (not that first was even bad) but a practice run will help anyone improve. After I had already done it once, it wasn't really a big deal anymore. What really shook my foundations was what happened after I prayed for second service.
Let me take a step back here, and fill you in on a few things before I pick up and finish that thought. A few days earlier John called me and asked if I wanted to baptize the girls from our group during second service on Sunday. I said I would love to, how amazing of an opportunity is that? Honestly though, after I agreed, I didn't really think about it much; I was still really nervous about the praying thing, so that consumed every other thought. On Saturday night however, we had a meeting to go over how the next day would work and start setting things up. Two things happened here that really struck home. First, John read us all a scripture that is now planted in my heart and will forever remain a focal point of this crazy journey God has put me on. The verse is Jeremiah 1:5-10:
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before
you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” “O
Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!” The Lord
replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and
say whatever I tell you. And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with
you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Then the Lord reached out
and touched my mouth and said, “Look, I have put my words in your mouth! Today
I appoint you to stand up against nations and kingdoms. Some you must uproot
and tear down, destroy and overthrow. Others you must build up and plant.”
The second thing that happened, was that John was explaining to us how unheard of it was for us to do what we were doing. Basically, anyone else who has taken the stage to preach for Sunday service has had to be certified and on staff for a long time and have gone through a lot of other things before they were able to take that big step. John however has been on staff only a few months and has not even been certified in ministry yet, so it is a huge deal that this is happening. Clearly God is showing Himself in all of this to let it happen. What struck me about this though, was even though John was talking about himself with this, it was hitting home for me as well. When I was baptized at this church six years ago, I was told I could have person A, B, or C baptize me because they were an elder of the church and had been around long enough to be fully immersed in everything on this church campus. Maybe things have changed since then, but it felt pretty unheard of for me to be stepping into this tub to do the baptizing. It finally struck me during this meeting just how great of an honor this was.
So after I prayed for the offering in second service, I was blessed to announce that we would be performing baptisms while the band continued to play. I went backstage and after Jeremiah baptized the guys, I stepped down into that tub and began baptizing the girls. I stood in that water, looking up at the first girl walking down at me, and all I could think was what authority do I have to be standing in this tub baptizing people? This thought was playing on repeat in my head as I watched this girl approach me; it was a thought of humbleness though, not a thought of worthlessness. I began to speak into the first girl's ear and as I did the same question was still running through my spirit; however, I could also feel an overwhelming power and authority rushing through my body. My authority; My power; that is what you have. I have given it to you to touch the nations. Touch their hearts; change them; bring them home to me. Whoa. This flood of power and authority rose in me, overflowed, and poured out into these girls as each one was brought to their symbolic death.
I will never be the same. I hope they will never be the same either. These girls have thanked me over and over again--during service, after service, later that night on facebook--for what I did for them by baptizing them. I try to explain it but they will never know what they did for me that morning. I'm not exaggerating when I say I will never be the same. I have honestly never felt this way in my walk with Christ.
After service ended I ran into Hope. Hope is a wonderful woman of God with a generous, loving, beautiful spirit. Hope is the woman who baptized me six years ago. We both felt it; there is a bond from sharing an experience like baptism. We clung to each other with tears in our eyes as she told me how proud she was of me and how excited she was for what God was doing in my life. She explained what an amazing feeling it was for her to see me baptizing because it was like a passing down of the generations. She felt a sense of pride for me since she had been the one there for me. Even now, tears come to my eyes thinking about it. There is just such an emotional connection that it comes bursting out of me in unexpected ways (especially if you know my aversion for crying in public). I also feel like all of these words are superficial; I honestly don't know if the words exist to truly grasp the feelings that we shared in that moment. All I know is that I was truly struck to the core by it.
So here I am, feeling like a completely different person, shocked and awed at how different my life is from two days ago, a week ago, a month ago. Here I am, less than an hour away from the first meeting of a young adult girls group that I am leading. Here I am, completely humbled, completely at peace, completely loved. Here I am, watching with wonder at what God will do next, excited for whatever part He has in store for me. God is so good. Jesus will change your life forever. Try Him, nothing will ever be more worth it.
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